How Long Have You Been Holding It All Together?
Exploring menopause, chronic stress, emotional suppression and learning to listen to yourself again.
Have you ever wondered how long you've been holding everything together?
Being the capable one. The one people turn to. The one who remembers, organises, cares and finds a way through, even when life feels overwhelming.
Perhaps you've become so accustomed to putting your own needs aside that you barely notice yourself doing it anymore.
You tell yourself you're fine. You carry on when you're exhausted. You push difficult feelings aside because there are things to do and people who depend on you.
And for years, perhaps that has felt like the only option.
But what happens when the way you've always coped starts to feel harder?
For some women, perimenopause brings changes that seem to make everything feel more difficult. Sleep becomes disrupted, anxiety feels unfamiliar, emotions feel closer to the surface and the capacity to manage everyday pressures seems to shift.
Could hormonal changes be interacting with years of accumulated stress, caring responsibilities and the emotional demands of everyday life?
It's a conversation worth having.
When keeping going becomes a way of life
Many women become very good at functioning under pressure.
They learn to carry on when they're tired, minimise their own feelings and prioritise everyone else's needs. They may work in demanding roles, care for children or ageing parents, manage households and provide emotional support to the people around them.
Sometimes, putting feelings aside is a practical way to get through a difficult moment. We cannot process everything as it happens, and temporarily setting emotions aside can be helpful.
But when this becomes a persistent pattern, we may lose touch with what we're feeling, what we need and when we need support.
We might recognise exhaustion only when we can no longer ignore it. We might dismiss sadness, swallow frustration or feel guilty when we need time for ourselves.
We can become so used to coping that we stop asking ourselves a very simple question:
How am I actually feeling?
What happens when we repeatedly push our emotions aside?
Emotions are part of how we respond to our experiences. They can provide information about our needs, our boundaries and the situations we find difficult.
Suppressing the outward expression of an emotion is not necessarily harmful in itself. However, habitual emotional suppression can be associated with psychological distress for some people, particularly when it occurs alongside ongoing stress or a lack of support.
When life feels relentlessly demanding, we may have little opportunity to pause and recognise what is happening internally.
We may continue to function on the outside while feeling anxious, disconnected or overwhelmed on the inside.
This doesn't mean that every difficult emotion needs to be explored in depth, or that every woman has unresolved trauma. It means our emotional wellbeing deserves attention, too.
Sometimes, the first step is simply acknowledging what we feel without judging ourselves for feeling it.
Menopause, chronic stress and the nervous system
During perimenopause, fluctuations in reproductive hormones can affect sleep, mood and temperature regulation. These changes can influence how some women experience stress and how well they cope with everyday demands.
At the same time, ongoing stress can affect sleep, emotional wellbeing and the body's stress-response systems, including the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis, which helps regulate cortisol.
When hormonal changes coincide with caring responsibilities, work pressures, disrupted sleep and insufficient recovery, the combined effects can feel particularly challenging.
Stress may also exacerbate certain symptoms, including the impact of hot flushes, anxiety and sleep disruption.
However, the science is complex. Menopause does not automatically cause chronically elevated cortisol, and we cannot assume that emotional suppression or nervous system dysregulation is the cause of an individual's symptoms.
What we can recognise is that hormones, stress, sleep, emotional wellbeing and our lived experiences interact.
Supporting women through menopause means taking this wider picture seriously, without overlooking the importance of medical assessment and evidence-based treatment.
Learning to make space for yourself
Supporting your nervous system isn't about forcing yourself to feel calm or getting everything right.
It can begin with small, compassionate changes.
Notice what you're feeling. Pause occasionally and ask yourself whether you're tired, frustrated, sad, anxious or simply in need of some space.
Give yourself permission to acknowledge it. You don't have to immediately solve a feeling, justify it or make it disappear.
Recognise your needs and boundaries. Notice where you might be saying yes automatically, taking responsibility for everything or leaving no room for your own recovery.
Find ways to create space. This might mean talking to someone you trust, journalling, mindfulness, gentle movement, spending time outdoors or seeking professional support when needed.
Allow rest to be part of wellbeing. Rest is not something you have to earn by reaching exhaustion first.
These practices cannot remove hormonal changes or guarantee symptom relief. But they may help you develop a more compassionate relationship with yourself and support your wider wellbeing.
You don't have to wait until you reach breaking point
For many years, I worked in healthcare, including cardiac care. I understand the importance of recognising health concerns, understanding risk factors and supporting people before problems become more serious.
My own experiences have also deepened my appreciation of how long we can remain in a state of constant responsibility, and how much time it can take to find our way back to ourselves.
Through SeaSoul Mindfulness, I want to create space for women to pause, reconnect with themselves and explore supportive ways of caring for their wellbeing.
Not because women are failing to cope.
But because being capable doesn't mean we don't need to care for ourselves.
And because we shouldn't have to wait until we're completely depleted before our own needs matter.
What has your experience been?
As part of my menopause wellbeing series, I'm interested in understanding more about what women are experiencing during perimenopause and menopause.
Have you noticed changes in your capacity to cope with stress? Do you find yourself putting your own feelings aside to keep going? And what kind of support would genuinely help?
I've created an optional SeaSoul Stress & Overwhelm Check-In to help me better understand women's experiences and the support they would find valuable.
You can complete it anonymously if you prefer. Sharing is entirely optional.
Thank you for being part of a more compassionate conversation about women's wellbeing.
You deserve care and support, too.
SeaSoul Mindfulness — helping women who carry everyone else come back to themselves.
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